A Future Lawyer?

Goose,

You like to set the microwave timer with us and will go upstairs without incident when the buzzer beeps. A few nights ago, it was nearing bedtime. Daddy called from the living room, "Mommy, has the buzzer gone off yet?" I answered that no, it hadn't but that the time was approaching soon. I glanced over at the microwave while saying this and saw it was not set at all. 

Hmm.. what to do? You were listening, so I couldn't set it since it chirps with every touch. Instead, I finished the few dishes I had left, walked over to the microwave and hit cancel three times. I cringed a little in doing this since the sounds weren't quite what the buzzer would sound like. "He won't notice," I thought.

Without hesitation, you jumped off the couch and I heard quick feet entering the kitchen. I wheeled around and there you were, hands on hips, demanding to know, "Mommy, why are you pushing the buttons?? That wasn't the buzzer!" 

I ran into the dining room to conceal my open mouth and my laughter. Seriously, what three year old can accurately call out his mother on such a detail? You, that's who. I quickly composed myself and returned stating simply, "Alright, it's bedtime! Who's going to beat me upstairs?" Daddy shot me a smile and off we went. 

If this is any indication of the debating skills you are going to develop, boy are we in for it. :)

Sibling Day!

To Goose and My Sweet Sunshine,

Happy Sibling Day! I know it's so early but the two of you love each other and it's so fun to watch. Growing up without siblings was sad at times. I knew that one day, if God would grant it, I would want more than one child so they could share - joys, experiences, happiness, sadness, and... toys. :) 

Grace, Liam has loved you from day one - the day we told him he was getting a sister.

It's a girl!

He read and talked to you, patted you in my belly, and tried to feed you goldfish through my belly button. The first time he saw you in the hospital, he smiled and reached out to touch you with a smile on his face.

He loves you in the ways a brother should love his sister. Every morning when we wake up, he finds you sitting up in the boppy on our bed. He'll climb up and say, "Good morning, Grace! You sleep all night?" Yesterday he said, "Grace, you're so cute!" He tells me if you are upset and reassures you, "Don't cry Grace - I'm right here!" He brings you your toys. He talks to you - when you squeal he answers right back in your talk. The two of you could (and can!) go on for quite some time. And in case you think it's too good to be true, he tattles on you too.. "Grace is eatin' her straps" (car seat buckles) or "Gracie won't hold my hand!" You're getting much better arm control, but when you were just beginning to figure that out, Liam would get right in your face and you would wave around your arms and hit him. Taken aback, he'd say, "Gracie push me!" Now he says, "Good job, Grace! You're learning!"

Liam, You are already living up to the namesake of your great-grandfather. William literally means "protector" and in your baby book, Daddy and I wrote that we hoped that one day you would be the protector of your siblings by being the first born. You are already the sweetest boy to your sister and love her so very much. 

I know that one day soon Grace will be in your things and tattling back at you. I can only hope that the two of you keep some of this sweet relationship and grow up to be friends. I'll never forget the day we got you the pink iced cupcake telling you Chee-pea (Chickpea) would be a girl - and your sister. I whispered to you, "Daddy and I have the greatest gift for you - something we never had: a friend to grow up and grow older with. Please don't ever be upset that we are sharing our love not just with you but with someone else, because part of her heart will love you too. She will help make our family whole."

Always holding hands. <3

I hope you are both always proud to call each other brother and sister. Happy Sibling Day!

Love, Mama

Happy 27 months, Goose!

Liam,

It's been a while! You and Gracie have been keeping us busy but tonight, as you both sleep in your own rooms(!), I write my letter to you. <3

Wow have you changed in the past few months!

Our silly Goose

Speaking: Your language continues to astound us. If you spend a night at Mom-Mom and Papé's, we always notice a difference when you return home. You speak mostly in sentences instead of phrases. Your question of "Where are you?" in a singsong voice is no longer "Are you?" but the real thing. People other than us can pick out when you say "excavator" and "amplifier." We hear a lot of "I no like it!" even if you are choosing to not choose something at the moment. It sounds like your stereotypical Italian-American when you say it too. When you want something, you say you need it. This is especially funny for items like cookies and cell phones.

"Want some?" Trying a homemade veggie sushi roll

You are able to talk about what you want. One day (a while back in January), you handed me your Magna-Doodle and said, "Draw Coe-e (Chloe), Mama?" And it turned into this picture. You asked for Liam by Chloe, Mommy holding Grace, Gracie's swing, your train table, and Thomas and Gordon. I'll let you decide which doodles are what. :)

Love <3

Comforting: If Grace cries, you immediately go over to her, take her hand, and give her kisses. It melts our hearts to hear you say, "Don't cry, Grace! I'm right here." If you disobey, you apologize (after a while... usually) and say you're sorry.

You love playing the piano and singing, especially to Grace. "Gray-see!" or "Gray-see-poo!" followed by "I love you!" is a typical song while pounding away on the keys. Here you are mid-lyric and Grace is loving every second, already enthralled with her big brother.

Loving: You cuddle with us, squish close to us in any chair with a sigh ("Ah!"), and hug and kiss like there is no tomorrow. When I pick you up from daycare, you meet me at the window: I put a hand up to the glass and you return with yours and a huge smile. I walk in the door, you greet me with the biggest hug, then act super silly.
You grab our faces saying, "Cheekies!" and plant huge kisses on us. On Valentine's Day, you said "I love you, Mommy!" while we walked together down the stairs. It was the first time you said it without me saying it first.

You're also in love with YouDee (aka Big Bird).

You received your YouDee sweatshirt on Super Bowl Sunday in honor of Joe Flacco, a UD grad, on the Ravens. You wouldn't have taken it off for days if we allowed it. You recognize the interlocking UD on paper, advertisements, and on campus. When we travel to Main Street, you ask where YouDee is and call campus his home. Just another testament to the fact that you absorb everything you hear.

The best view after a long day at work. 

Independent: Knowing nothing about small children (until you get to the stage, of course), I thought we had a few more years before you started acting like a teenager. Time outs are becoming a little more frequent and you are already testing your limits. Most of the time, misbehavior is just a game to you - we catch you saying no, but then hiding your smiling face so we can't see it. Other times you are definitely serious, but so are we. :) I hope we get to reap the benefits of following through with your consequences sooner rather than later. We also have become quite good at knowing what to pick battles on. Fruit bars for every meal throughout the day is a no; milk in the (third) cup of your choice is okay. Refusing to take off your monkey jammies when the thermometer says 22 degrees outside - it's not happening but taking Monkey (your backpack) with you everywhere, stuffed with boots, books, trains, and legos is acceptable. Speaking of Monkey, you strap that thing on your back in the most awkward way and then announce, "I going to school. Bye Mommy! See you later!"

Making pizza

A preview of your teenage years - truck, cell phone, and all.

Child proofing our cabinets - and putting away groceries
Note the barilla pasta box going under the sink. :)

Lego lover

Keeping Chloe away from your cheese stick and milk.

I know the day you become a big boy is quickly approaching. Preschool starts in the fall ("The bells - on Main Street!) and when I look at Grace, I sometimes can't believe you were that small. You have quite the personality and I'm already so proud of you. I can't wait to see what the next months have in store, but in the meantime, I can enjoy all you've already become.

Love you, Mama <3

Best Buddies <3

A sideways (sorry!) "Cranky the Crane"

Bean-isms About Trains

Liam,

There are a ton of things you say about trains that crack me up. I need to start writing them down, but this one from tonight will stay forever in my heart.


You says things exceptionally well for your age so when you create words that aren't real, I don't correct them. :) With your Thomas the Train obsession, Gordon is a favorite - only you call him "Goed". Thomas, Percy, Edward, Emily, Toby, Cranky, and the rest you can pronounce as clear as day, but Gordon's moniker sounds like you just turned into a Brit.

Tonight we had the following conversation while playing with your new train table.

Liam: See Gordon, Mommy? (pointing to the train)
Me: (disappointed) Oh, I liked when you call him Goed. It reminds me of how you are still little. Can you call him that? It makes me happy.
Liam: (annoyed that I haven't given him the train yet, holding out his hand) Gordon, please!

Over an hour later:
Liam: That's Goed, Mama. (pointing to train who's watching him eat while I'm eating dinner next to him)
Me: (smiling) Yes, that's Gordon.
Liam: (leans his head on me) Make happy?
Me: (heart melts)

What a sweet boy! You've recently been talking about emotions: being happy, excited, sad, and scared. But to remember what I said and to know (or connect) that I said it would make me happy is awesome. The way you learn language is incredible but the way you continue to take root in my heart surprises me day after day. <3

Bean-isms

Liam,

You are beginning to have "real" conversations and they are hysterical and cute all at the same time. My teacher self knows that you understand more than you let on, but sometimes what comes out of your mouth still surprises me! Here are a few of your first interactions:

Nov. 11th weekend (not quite two):

1. We were away with your grandparents and you wanted to hold Grace on the couch. You sat up real tall and after we set her up in your arms, you looked at me, Daddy, MomMom, and Papé and announced quite frankly, "Take a picture!" We pulled out the cameras quick and snapped this one. <3
2. You were looking for a puzzle that you had completed earlier. "Where puzzle go?" you asked. "It's in the other room, by your toy box," I replied. A few minutes you came running back in with it screaming, "I found the puzzle! I found it!" This was cool to Daddy and me because it was the first time you initiated a complete sentence with correct articles and pronouns and everything!

Thanksgiving

To our babies when you're ready to have families of your own,

Thanksgiving was the 26th of November three years ago. We had just gone for a second ultrasound that confirmed our baby girl was no longer growing and that our due date in July would be no more. Heartbreaking doesn't begin to describe it. About three weeks prior, on the 10th anniversary of your Nana's death, Daddy and I surprisingly learned we were pregnant! It wasn't planned but we were excited. I always had thoughts that I would have trouble conceiving a child and this event did not help my heart feel that things would be easy. Daddy and I spent Thanksgiving with our family. Many of your aunts and uncles were about to bring new babies into the world and I was angry I needed to be around them. Why was He compounded my grief by those who were so joyful?

As I'm sure you'll learn, I believe that everything happens for a reason - the good, the bad, and the downright awful. My favorite verse is that everything has a time and a season. This was a time in my life where I questioned God and why He could do these things. I can only hope that you never, ever have to experience this loss in your lives - but if you do, as much as it may hurt, keep God close. In the days, weeks, and months that followed, I prayed to Him and cursed Him at the same time. My doctor was not helpful either. And when I say not helpful, I mean hurtful. The radiologist wouldn't tell us what the ultrasound showed. We demanded to speak with the doctor. I'll never forget being brought in the main office area, sitting at their phone next to their fax machine, talking with the doctor. Daddy kept his hand on my shoulder. That was the day I learned that once babies die, it's common to say, "The fetus is not viable," as if that makes it easier... I didn't know what to expect and when I asked it felt like I was being sneered at, like, "How could you not know what to do?" I was told if I were to miscarry, I could save "the tissue" in a plastic bag in the refrigerator. Yeah - this doctor was not schooled in bedside manner. Daddy took me immediately over to another doctor's office. I cried at the reception window until they accepted me as a patient and agreed to do the surgery to take out your sister.

The few weeks between this and the surgery date were rough. My body was holding on to something we had created but with no life within it. I felt empty. The surgery was the first real one I had ever had and my memory of it was a blur, seeming like a hospital tv show version. After this, EVERYONE seemed to be getting pregnant and while I wanted to be happy for my family and friends, I felt betrayed, even though no one knew.

It took me a long time to open up about this experience and it's still hard to talk about without tears forming. Helpful information for you if you ever come across a family experiencing this loss:
*Remember that you do NOT understand unless it has happened to you.
*Never say, "You're young! You'll get pregnant again!", "At least you were able to get pregnant," or anything similar. Sometimes saying nothing at all is better.

So why am I writing this to you? Again while I pray you never experience anything like this, it does have the power to change your life as it did mine. Women understandably don't talk about these things openly, but when they do, you find out it's unfortunately common. When I began opening up to others, I was amazed that I was not alone. I now know of over 20 family members and friends who have miscarried and sadly, the number continues to grow.

I write this to you to ask you to treasure your family and God's plan. Three months after my surgery, we got pregnant again. One day short of a year to the day we learned about your sister, Liam was born. What a difference a year makes. :) And less than 2 years after that, Grace joined our family. If your sister was not called by God, you wouldn't be here today. I believe she is your guardian angel in heaven watching over you both. I believe this was God's reason. As time continues, I feel closer to God because of it too. I don't pray for things anymore. I always pray first in Thanksgiving and let God know that while I may not understand it, I accept His plan for me always.

Happy Birthday, Bean!

Liam,

As I sit writing this, I remember that two years ago at this time Daddy and I were stopped by the slowest train on the way to the hospital. So slow in fact that by the time it passed, there was a back up of cars behind us - at 2:30 in the morning! Your labor was sudden, two days before your due date. My water broke, contractions immediately started 5 minutes apart, and you were born 6 hours later. My plans of a natural childbirth quickly crumbled as I told the registration nurse in the lobby that I wanted an epidural - now! :)

You arrived at 7:08AM on November 24th and life hasn't been the same since. You immediately filled a spot in our hearts that we didn't know was vacant. We treasured each first with you and took what seemed like millions of pictures. You nursed well from the start and I now know that those hours we spent together each day forged a special bond that will never be broken between us. While you screamed day and night for the first twelve weeks of your life (this is no joke, ask your grandparents), we learned all their was to know about swaddling, the five S's, and played Natalie Merchant's children's lullabies on repeat.

You turned into a happy baby who tried lots of foods, bobbed around to any kind of music, slept through the night for the first time at seven months. You had no interest in rolling over but wanted to stand and "walk" at six months. You pulled at our hands to pick you up and cried if we sat you down. Once you learned to crawl though you were a speedy little guy and didn't take your first steps until after your first birthday. When you did, we joke that you walked for a few days, then ran, and haven't slowed down since!

You grasped language from the start. You signed for "please" and "more" and sometimes used "thank you" and "light." By the time you got these down, you were talking - and we could understand you. We kept a list of your words but by the time you reached 100 at a little over a year, we stopped keeping track. By then you started using two word phrases, by this summer you had 3 words down, and by the beginning of November, you started speaking in sentences in what seemed like overnight. You definitely have your tantrum moments, but I believe that many instances have been averted because you understand when we communicate with you and, more importantly, you can communicate with us. There is not a day that goes by that I take this for granted. I love talking with you, especially now. We can ask you, "What did you do at Beth's house today?" and you respond with games you played, toys you played with, and the other kids' names. It is SO cool.

You are aware of the things around you. You throw away trash without being told, ask to feed the dog, and let Chloe out the back door by yourself. You cry at the linen closet door when we don't get out the vacuum for you and you love to use your "sweeper" (rake) outside as much as your wagon. Sometimes I think that we need to start paying you an allowance! While there are times you hate by separated from us, you are already an independent child. You get me diapers when I change Grace and take it upon yourself to start up her swing "turn song on?" and lovingly say, "Don't cry, Grace!" while I get her milk ready. Last week, you actually got her to stop crying - on your own. You amaze me every day.

You are beginning to laugh at things that older children find funny and you can recognize when someone is sad. You give hugs and kisses freely and have begun (in the past few months) to take an initiative to cuddle us. We love it. <3 You are shy in new situations and with people you don't often see. You are starting to warm up more quickly though. We love to watch you play with your cousins and share your trucks and other toys. I like to linger at daycare when I pick you up because you are playing tag or racing with the other kids.

You have a love of sports (which you obviously didn't get from us!) and are a true boy's boy. You like to get dirty, collect rocks and acorns in your nature bucket, and be outside. I've begun to think that vehicle noises are programmed into boys when they are born. One day I see you racing your cars around your racetrack rug while making engine noises. Who taught you these things?? Your new love is Thomas the Train. It's your first taste of TV and commercialism. Since Grace was born, books have taken the back seat to all of the other fun things in your life but you've been engaging with them again recently. Favorites are The Little Engine That Could and The Monster at the End of This Book. You're beginning to "read" them too. While getting dinner ready the other night, I saw you reading on your chair flipping through the monster one saying, "Don't turn the page!" as Grover does. As a teacher and a lover of literacy, this is AWESOME! You also like typing on my laptop. I wasn't a fan of it at first, but it's a way to learn your letters. "Push O?" is a frequent phrase you like to utter and between the keyboard and the letters on the fridge, you accurately identify close to half the alphabet. You know that L-I-A-M is Liam and your name.

You've only been alive for twenty four months - such a short amount of time. I am in awe of what you already know and of how you learn it. I know that for the next few years you will continue to absorb everything around you so easily. Because of this, I try daily to be a better person so you have a good example. I hesitate and respond thoughtfully to others instead of giving a snarky remark. I take the time to smile at strangers. I involve you with my decisions like what to get Daddy for his birthday so you can see how everyday nuances play out. Daddy did love his happy birthday brother card, the elmo balloon, and his race cars. :)

Bear hug! :)

Petting bunnies with no pants on. 

Enjoying the great outdoors with Daddy in Shenandoah.

On our way to meet Thomas!

I love you with all of my heart, Goose. You are incredibly special and I thank God every day for the gift of you. Happy 2nd birthday! Love, Mama

Making Room for Baby & Making Changes

Bean,

There were a number of things we wanted to do to get you ready for your sister's arrival. But as I told a dear friend at work, I think God laughs at me whenever I make plans. :) Therefore, we didn't get to prep you as much as we would have liked. I think many families never give this a second thought but as Daddy and I don't have siblings we wanted to make sure this experience was a happy and positive one for you!





We did have an amazing "big brother" book that we shared with you for many months beforehand. You did nice touch to baby sister Chickpea and tried to feed her goldfish and Os in my belly and shared  your stickers.

<----      :)





Fortunately, we spent Labor Day making crafts for your sister and you even picked out a gift. I was afraid you would forget the experience before you could give it to her but luckily, she was only 2 days away!

You loved your "tube" of animals and the camera "cam-ma" that Grace got you! More importantly, from Day One, you have loved your sister. I could not have asked for anything more. What you didn't love though, was thinking that you were missing out on something.. or perhaps the disruption of it all. By the time Grace was two weeks old, you decided that sleep was something to buck us on again. One night, you woke up and tried to exit your crib - head first. The next day we prompted changed your crib into a toddler bed. You said it was "broken" and so the long two months of not wanting to go to sleep at night (and not wanting to go back to sleep in the middle of the night) began. Thank goodness Grace only woke up once or twice a night! It was very trying (and tiring) to be up with you again, sleeping on your floor to get you to sleep. There were many nights that MomMom had to put you to bed. Thank goodness for her too!

Living the 4th and Beyond - Happiness

It's been a while since I was last on retreat. Each year when that February weekend when the Oratory takes a group to Cape May rolls around, I sit and reminisce about how wonderful that first year was.. A college freshman trying to find my way, I stumbled upon the St. Thomas More Oratory. While I didn't take part in everything they had to offer the change that place has made upon my life and my heart will never cease to amaze me. Liam's middle name is named in honor of it - this is just one example. Oh, and I found my husband there. <3

So life has changed a lot since February of 2002. 10 years later, I have accomplished a number of things that I wanted to do in my life: graduate from college, get married, own a house, obtain a Master's degree, have children. Superficially glancing at this list, many people would say this is a lifetime's worth of goals. Honestly, it is. That's not how my mind works though.. While a happy person, I tend to focus on what I have not accomplished, what I have not succeeded at, and what I cannot do as well as I would like to. Case in point in writing this post: I used to take great pride in my writing ability, yet I look at the last word of the previous sentence and struggle with the fact that I cannot come up with a different word so it will not end in a preposition.

Type A - yes.

Perfectionist - you bet.

Maybe that explains it, but I'm forced to dig deeper. I'm fairly certain I've always had these personality traits but somewhere between high school graduation and here, I've gotten off the path of "happiness". Being the nostalgic person I am, I read my senior yearbook filled with genuine comments from true friends about my attitude towards life and the inspiration it brings. I got inspired just reading the notes! But that person is no longer ME. Am I upset with who I am? Well, not exactly. I know that I'm blessed and I am grateful for all that I have. My biggest "problem" with me is that I feel I don't appreciate these things ALL the time. I let silly, little things get in the way of the big picture - so that is what I am setting out to change.

A friend talked about The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin on her blog and I was intrigued. I got a copy from the library and began reading. While only two chapters in, I could not help to think of myself while reading it. It's like the author is me - with a few glaring differences. You know, not being a former clerk for a Supreme Court justice or having (what I presume to be) millions from writing a book being how to be happy. In the end, I believe Gretchen "found" that she was closer to happiness than when she started. That's the thing about happiness: it's a daily commitment - same with being a Catholic - you can't just say you believe in Jesus and call it a day. You need to continually commit yourself to being a good person, prayer, trying to improve, giving thanks, and so on.

Let me get back to the 4th day. Without ruining the experience for those who may one day go on such a life changing retreat, the retreat lasts for three days so the fourth day is, more or less, your next step. What will you do with all you've heard, read, experienced? To me, the fourth day was always a fresh start - almost like a New Year's resolution. So, I'm going to try my hand at my own happiness project.

[ This picture makes me giggle as a dear friend sent it to our team at work on for May 4th with the caption, "May the Fourth Be With You!" Immediately I thought of retreat. :)  ]

As I finished the book, the quote about the experiencing the journey, not focusing on the destination comes to mind. That already has changed my whole way of thinking. As Gretchen would say, "Where ever you are, that's where you start." So.. this is where I shall begin!